so i havent posted in a while....

thats because im out of ideas, or im just swamped with assignments and what nots. so anyway, in a week plus, my faculty is having their dinner and guess who just signed up to perform? ;D anywho. i have been going about this for a while now since i totally have no idea what i would sing at the dinner. im just overthinking stuff again, you know. like if it is the right song to sing, or if it is the right tempo, right genre, right lyrics. ugh. so hard. but i will take it as a step to self-disclosure. haha. ekot human comm pun points. :P

kay, so the theme for the dinner is polka dot, checkers and lines. its alright. at first i was pissed off because after all the anticipation, thats all? no masquerade? no grandeur theme? it really was disappointing but by the time i got over i'm like "Challenge Accepted." you know. so i was thinking of wearing something stripy. polka dot ages, checkers fattens, but lines and stripes flatter. so hello to stripy new dresses (or skirts) as my dinner outfits. :) im actually pretty excited for this. im hoping to find the perfect dress before holiday ends.

anyway im pretty interested in the Mentor auditions which is happening today in Miri and on Sunday in Kuching. mum's given me the green light so i guess its okay. :D im pretty hyped but at the same time i gotta keep my grades up. i need to keep up my pointer pace. and i need to finish my assignments pronto. hummm. im going to the library tonight with Ju and Ika. so i'll get some done by then.

right now im just chilling at the youth floor, blogging and researching on new shawl styles to wear at dinner with Ika. haha. its going to be usual to see me in a shawl but to see Ika in a shawl, that's a rare sight. im gonna be a wallflower again. im always the wallflower you know. its not like i didnt try or anything. i do try but next to them im like a helpless little animal who people dont look at. actually people have compassion for helpless animals, while i get attention as much as the white crayon gets.
its just that i was born this way and i've accepted myself the way i am but people just dont care, you know. unless you're light skinned and cute and skinny, people dont see you the first time. dilemmas of real girls. haha.

dont get me wrong, its not like im not embracing myself but some quotes say that you look at youself beautiful 5 times than the real deal (or something like that). that statement is kind of worrying. it does nothing but to verify beautiful people inside or outside that what they may see might not be what they think people are seeing. i hate that quote. can someone get lighter and light it up and incinerate it forever? whoever came up with that is an idiot. pfft.

okay well im done with writing my 6-paragraphs standard blog entry. haha. maybe its boring, maybe its not. to those who enjoyed this, hello and welcome to my creatively insane mind. and life. and my electronic literary publication. i appreciate it and thank you for your time :) <3 <<love, Nina>>

p/s: this line would make it 7 paragraphs long. nothing to see here, carry on. :P